Save a Houseplant; Save the World

As I stare at a houseplant on my dining table, I think about how some plants look artificial when they’re healthy because of how colorful and sturdy the leaves look. Is it any wonder that we often cannot differentiate between authentic and fake things or determine trustworthiness in others? The truth is this is primarily a result of our inability to trust ourselves.

I once felt unable to trust others. I didn’t realize it then, but the reason I couldn’t trust a man with whom I shared a relationship is that I didn’t have faith in myself. I remained in a situation that depleted me more than it nurtured. I knew in my heart that if I was willing to stay in a relationship that not only was adding to my suffering, but also holding me back from growth that I could not take care of my needs. That’s how lack of trust develops. It’s not the deceit, betrayal, disappointment, and shame caused by our relationships with others. Instead, it is a result of repeated behaviors on our part not to care for ourselves in a way that ensures survival and general wellness. These behaviors to which we become addicted are the source of our self-deception, self-betrayal, the disappointment we feel in ourselves and the dirtiest word of them all — the shame we feel for letting us down. The cure for all this is self-care, but we seldom do so because we never learned how.

My house plant was once 2 leaves (from two separate plants) my friend gave me. I have never had a green thumb. I have killed aloe plants that required minimal care and attention. For some reason receiving this new plant gave me a sense of ownership and a desire to nurture it. I realized after two months of steady growth and the budding of fresh, healthy, green leaves that I can care for and grow plants. I had rewritten a story I had been telling myself for years and it just so happens that I was in the best place of my life physically, mentally and spiritually.

Caring for plants in this way is a representation of the self-care I now love and prioritize. While caring for it, I also learned a hard lesson that resonated with me: too much of a ‘good’ thing can stunt our growth. At the one-month mark, I started to notice that some of the leaves were growing yellow and turning black. A check-in with my friend and web searches suggested that perhaps it was getting too much sun. I did live on the 11th floor of a high-rise, and I faced the east side, so my humble little plant that sat on my window sill was struggling to retain water for growth while the sun was depleting it. I took it down for two weeks, cut the dead leaves, checked the moisture level, and smelled for root rot throughout this period with the same attention to detail I have when I apply black eyeliner. The leaves began to regain a vibrant green color, no leaves turned black, and the soil was moist and pleasantly fragrant.

Similarly, too much time working, spending time not caring for our needs can cause our progress to stall. The best thing we can do to ensure our continued growth in life is to offer ourselves the gift of balance. Work hard, meet deadlines, and when the hour arrives to head home, do so. Spend time with friends and loved ones and once the hour comes to prioritize your needs, do so.

As I examined the leaves after watering it one morning, I felt how connected I was to this process. I wasn’t concerned about how big the plant would become or how it almost didn’t survive. I noticed I was only interested in how well it was doing at the moment. The consistency of checking the colors of the leaves, sticking my finger an inch down into the soil, and smelling the roots is akin to personal self-care. What is the quality of the water and food we are drinking and eating? Are we getting enough physical exercise? How is our hygiene, our bloodwork, our mental health? How much time did we spend meditating, playing, and loving? These daily habits are the process of self-care as well as the destination. We spend so much time concerned about goals; we forget that the path to them is the goal. There’s no “better” version of ourselves tomorrow. Stop waiting to become you. You’ve arrived!

If you want a healthy body, you must nurture it appropriately daily. If you wish to have healthy connections with others, you must cultivate them appropriately daily. A relationship is made up of the individuals as well as the sum. If you have not cared for yourself, your relationship will not grow. Imagine how much different the world would be if everyone just nurtured themselves? You can save the world if you start with yourself.

Who we are right now is who needs consistent attention and self-awareness. A plant stops growing the minute you stop giving it what it requires just as we stop growing without constant care. Once you realize this, you trust yourself to make the best decisions for your sustainability and your growth. Only then can you trust someone else to care for you because you have the experience and tools to differentiate between someone who can be authentic with you and genuinely care for and love you the way you do and someone who hasn’t yet learned how to care for themselves. Do not blame them. The only thing you need to do is put your needs first. I’m so grateful that I did.